What The Hell Did I Say?
by HaughtxDamnvers
Summary: Jay is frustrated after Erin suggests they cooled their relationship. His drunken night leads to a major mistake. Will Erin forgive him? Inspired by "What The Hell Did I Say?" By Dierks Bentley


**(AN) Please excuse any mistakes or lack of creativity, I had written nearly this whole story and then all of the sudden, my computer froze for the first time in it's history. Of course, I had not saved it because I was writing it in one sitting and was focused on getting it done. Thanks, enjoy (hopefully)**

 **Inspired by "What the hell did I say?" By Dierks Bentley**

 **Time-frame** **: The day after Lindsay suggested they "cool it".**

Jay woke up with a pounding headache and the faint sound of a cellphone ringing. He rolled over to wrap his arms around her waist, but was met with empty sheets. _'Oh yeah, she's not here anymore.'_ He thought to himself. Wanting to forget all about that, he slowly moved to get out of bed, groaning along the way. As he makes his way to the living room, he realizes what a mess he made last night. Multiple beer bottles piled on the coffee table, clothes thrown around, a quarter of a whiskey bottle on the floor, and the remains of the pizza he had ordered last night, lying on the couch, still in its torn up box. It wasn't until he noticed the clothing on the floor that he had realized, all he had on were his boxers. Jay knew he didn't have anyone over last night, but he was curious as to why he had undressed himself around the living room. He moved closer to the couch, as the ringing of the phone got louder. After throwing pillows and digging through the cushions, he found his phone. But to his luck, it stopped ringing as soon as he picked it up. He read the screen and his mind was immediately filled with worry and confusion.

 _ **'2 missed calls: Erin Lindsay'**_

 _ **'3 new messages: Erin Lindsay'**_

Concern and worry fills his mind,

then he reads the next line,

 _ **'1 new message: Hank Voight'**_

Now his mind is filled with confusion.

Just as he was about to read Erin's texts, her name pops up on the screen, as shes calling him for a third time. Before he answers, he stops for a second to admire her picture glowing on the screen. It was a recent picture of them, he had taken her to the ice skating rink for the first time in her life, he remembers her talking about it that day, telling him how she always watched the children skate before rushing home to Bunny. He felt awful, almost guilty that she had never been, but the smile on her face when he brought her there was well worth it. He had taken the 'selfie' after bringing her to the corner, essentially taking a break from teaching her how to skate. Realizing how long he'd been staring at the picture, he pressed 'answer'.

"Lindsay?" The use of her last name didn't go unnoticed by either of them, but rather just ignored for the moment.

"Jay, uh, I know that you were drinking last night and that you probably don't remember but, uh, we need to talk. Everything you said... and did I guess, was...amazing, but we really need to talk about it. I know you're probably hungover, but I think its best if we talk face to face, so, uh, I'll see you in a bit, okay? Okay bye."

Everything came out rushed, Jay barely had time to understand it all. She had hung up on him before he could reply, but she sounded nervous and uneasy. His headache has gotten worse and he feels terrible, he knows he needs to shower but one thing keeps running through his mind. _'What the hell did I say?'_ He thinks.

* * *

Over an hour later, a knock interrupts his thoughts. Groaning, he gets up from the couch and heads towards the door. He doesn't bother checking who it is, he already knows. He opens the door to find a somewhat nervous looking Erin Lindsay, holding a brown paper bag.

"Donuts" she smiles, answering his unspoken question. He slowly nods and opens the door wider for her. He feels something, tension? fear? concern?...nausea? Yup, definitely nausea. "Excuse me." he grunts and practically sprints to his bathroom, leaving Erin halfway in the door. He returns into the living room to find her moving the beer bottles to one spot on the coffee table. He inwardly sighs and grabs the bottles to dispose of them in the kitchen, only to return and find he piling up his clothing on the table. Sighing, he walks to her and gently grabs her wrist, making her look at him.

"Er, stop. Why are you here?" She studies him for a moment.

"Do you remember anything from last night?" He shakes his head slowly. she sighs.

"Where's your phone?" Jay lets go of her wrist, that he didn't realize he was still holding, to grab his phone from the counter in the kitchen. He comes back, handing her the phone without second thought. She takes it and starts searching through it, while slowly moving to sit down on the couch, motioning for him to do the same. A few moments later, she seems satisfied with his phone and hands it back to him. His eyes tear away from her, onto the bright screen. He confused by what he sees. She has pulled up his recent call history phone his cellphone.

 _ **'Erin Lindsay , Call Made: 00:16 a.m.'**_

 _ **'Hank Voight , Call Made: 00:02 a.m.'**_

Confusion clouds his mind once again, he double checks the times, wondering why he had called Voight, then 14 minutes later, Erin, let alone, after midnight? Before he could ask questions, she moved her finger to his previous call to Hank Voight, pressing play.

 _"Halstead, why the hell are you cal-"_

 _"Voight, I am in love with Erin. I know that you have your rules but I don't care anymore. If you don't like it, then tough shit because I'm not letting her go. If you want to transfer or even fire me then go ahead, because she's worth it. We've been dating for a month and you didn't know, so if that doesn't prove our professional status then I don't know what will. She ended it tonight, in respect of you, in loyalty to you. I respect her reasoning but you can't control her life anymore. She is a grown woman who I love very much, you need to sit back and deal with it. I'll give my badge if I have to."_

 _A few moments of silence..._

 _"You give me your badge tomorrow, understand?"_

 _"Yes s-"_

And that was the end. He refuses to look at Erin. He drunkenly went against her wishes and told Voight. How could he? Not only was he losing his job.. He might lose his partner, or now former partner, either way, he might lose his best friend to a drunken mistake. Was it a mistake? Could he even consider it that? Before he could say anything, he saw he finger move to hover over his call with her. He closed his eyes briefly as she pressed play, as he expected to hear the, possibly, biggest mistake of his life.

 _"Jay?"_

 _"I love you."_

 _"Jay, are you drunk?"_

 _"I drank a couple of beers but that doesn't matter. It's me Erin, the real me telling you that I love you."_

 _"Jay, I-"_

 _"I called Voight."_

 _"You what?!"_

 _"I called Voight and told him about us. I'm handing in my badge tomorrow. I don't care what he thinks anymore. I would hand in my badge a hundred times over if I had to, Erin. Because you're worth it. I love you and nothing is gonna change that. I don't know what I can say to get you to understand that but I am more than willing to spend the rest of my life convincing you. Give us a chance...please. The feeling today, of losing you, was...is the worst feeling I've ever felt. My body may be drunk but my mind is as sober as its ever been. I love you, Erin Lindsay."_

 _"Um.. I'll, uh..I'll see you tomorrow."_

Once again, he had been hung up on. He had confessed his love for Erin Lindsay, not only to the woman herself, but to his sergeant, her father, the man who wouldn't hesitate drowning him in the river. He slowly laid the phone on the couch, still refusing to look up. It took a moment before the silence was broken.

"Like they say, the drunks are the most honest." she joked, trying to lighten up the mood. When he didn't respond, or even react in any way, she continued.

"After I hung up, I became the drunk. I was confused, panicked, worried, everything you can think of... At first, I was angry and pissed off at you, but I don't know anymore. I'm still pissed at you for throwing away your job like that, though. I hung up after that because I didn't know what to say. I-"

"I'm sorry" he cut her off with two simple words. He barely looked around and then got up off the couch, making his way to his bedroom. He started digging through his drawers for a shirt to wear, then going to search for some jeans to throw on. It wasn't until he headed for his closet that he realized that she was standing in his bedroom doorway.

"What are you doing?" she questions.

"Getting dressed, I need to hand Voight my badge." he says like its the most obvious thing in the world, before returning to his task. He gets what he needs and exits the closet only to be stopped by a small pair of hands against his chest. He tenses, knowing those hands shouldn't be there.

"Er-" he starts.

"I love you, too." That hits him like a slap to the face, only a good slap.. does that exist?

"What?" He doesn't know if he's confused or relieved...or just frustrated, his headache is back with full force. But she has a small smile on her face. That's a good sign, right?

"I love you, Jay Halstead... What you did, was the stupidest thing you've ever done, and I'm sorry that it took you quitting your job for me to realize it, but I love you so much, and it scares me how much I do. You're my best friend, my partner, my rock. Your support, and care, is better than any drug I could ever take. I don't want to lose that." Her hand has moved to his cheek, just under his ear. Her nail gently tickling the sensitive area behind the ear. He knows she's not trying to seduce him... Its just a simple intimate gesture. He smiles but it quickly turns into a sad smile.

"I'm not your partner anymore..." he trails off, knowing she'll understand.

"Jay.. All Hank wants for me is to be happy.. YOU make me happy, Jay. He'll understand." she tries to reason with him.

"After what I did? How I did it? I don't think so Erin. I think I finally pissed him off to the point of no return." She lightly laughs.

"Oh please, if you did, you would be in the river by now." They both smile at her joke, but Jay's quickly fades. She doesn't say anything because she knows that look. He wants to say something...do something, but he's hesitating, so she does it for him. She stands on her tippy-toes, gripping his shoulders to pull herself to his level, and gently presses her lips into his. She feels his hesitation, but it disappears as his hands grip her waist, pulling her into him, and she feels his lips moving against hers. The articles of clothing in his hand are left on the floor as the kiss becomes more intense, desperate almost. She slides her arms around his neck as his hands go lower... hips... waist... ass... finally stopping at her thighs, just below her ass. She gets the hint and jumps up and wraps her legs around his waist, his hands supporting her the whole time. She feels movement, as he's slowly moving them towards his unmade bed, not once have their lips separated. He lowers her until her back hits the mattress. He pulls away, saying those words once more.

"I love you." But this time, she responds immediately.

"I love you, too."

* * *

 _ **Please Review!**_


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